Are you a parent
whose kid is in youth sports? Do you meet other co-parents who have issues with
the coach, the team administration or the whole athletic department of the
school?
Well, the answer in
all probability is, almost every single day.
The real problem is
not that the coach, admin or the athletic department, although there might be
room for development there; the real problem is that all of us have risen our
expectations (and our egos). A coach has to be sensitive to child’s feelings
(and the parents’ ego), so he cannot raise his voice in the game. He has to
keep his tone appropriately moderated. “Coaching youth sports is an emotional
experience. High passion and drama make the game worth it. You don’t get
passionate players with moderation. It’s like robots playing in the field”,
says Jim McNelly, an elementary school coach.
At the same time, kids
are facing a problem because their parents and coaches have high expectations
from them. Every parent wants their child to win. Every coach wants the team to
win. For an athlete who is average, life becomes tough. For an athlete who’s
good, it gets even more tougher. The sheer pressure of high expectations
increases so much, that some kids even give up, forever.
And then there is the
expectation of excellence. Parents and coaches have set the bar of expectations
so high, that they do not settle for average skills. Every child who loves to
play may not necessarily be a star athlete, but that does not call for taking
the game away from that kid. Coaches want only the best players in their team. If
you have recently been to a tryout, you must have seen the fierce competition
kids are exposed to. It’s almost cruel.
But the problem is
that, this is the reality. This is the world our children will live in. So how
do we bring our children up differently. It would not be practically possible
to ask kids not to be competitive or not push them to try beyond their
abilities. Nor would it be wise to bring up your kids in a haven bubble.
Either of the
extremes is dangerous. Being too competitive and victory obsessed has its
repercussions. But then, lack of positive aggression has it’s lows too.
A good thing to do
is, to flow with what the child is comfortable with. There are kids who have an
in-born talent for something. Be the parent who sees the talent and lets the
child use it. Some child might be naturally aggressive. Be the parent who helps
the child use that aggression positively. A child might just be a beautiful
human being from inside. Instead of killing her soul and trying to make her
excel in something the child has no interest in, be the parent who lets this
child be. Instead of forcing your aspirations on the kid, be the parent who
lets the child spread their own wings and choose their own sky.
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