Thursday, 15 June 2017

Published Thursday, June 15, 2017 with 3 comments

Be The Parent Your Child Needs

Are you a parent whose kid is in youth sports? Do you meet other co-parents who have issues with the coach, the team administration or the whole athletic department of the school?

Well, the answer in all probability is, almost every single day.

The real problem is not that the coach, admin or the athletic department, although there might be room for development there; the real problem is that all of us have risen our expectations (and our egos). A coach has to be sensitive to child’s feelings (and the parents’ ego), so he cannot raise his voice in the game. He has to keep his tone appropriately moderated. “Coaching youth sports is an emotional experience. High passion and drama make the game worth it. You don’t get passionate players with moderation. It’s like robots playing in the field”, says Jim McNelly, an elementary school coach.

At the same time, kids are facing a problem because their parents and coaches have high expectations from them. Every parent wants their child to win. Every coach wants the team to win. For an athlete who is average, life becomes tough. For an athlete who’s good, it gets even more tougher. The sheer pressure of high expectations increases so much, that some kids even give up, forever.

And then there is the expectation of excellence. Parents and coaches have set the bar of expectations so high, that they do not settle for average skills. Every child who loves to play may not necessarily be a star athlete, but that does not call for taking the game away from that kid. Coaches want only the best players in their team. If you have recently been to a tryout, you must have seen the fierce competition kids are exposed to. It’s almost cruel.

But the problem is that, this is the reality. This is the world our children will live in. So how do we bring our children up differently. It would not be practically possible to ask kids not to be competitive or not push them to try beyond their abilities. Nor would it be wise to bring up your kids in a haven bubble.

Either of the extremes is dangerous. Being too competitive and victory obsessed has its repercussions. But then, lack of positive aggression has it’s lows too.

A good thing to do is, to flow with what the child is comfortable with. There are kids who have an in-born talent for something. Be the parent who sees the talent and lets the child use it. Some child might be naturally aggressive. Be the parent who helps the child use that aggression positively. A child might just be a beautiful human being from inside. Instead of killing her soul and trying to make her excel in something the child has no interest in, be the parent who lets this child be. Instead of forcing your aspirations on the kid, be the parent who lets the child spread their own wings and choose their own sky.


  1. The main thing you can do for your child is to instill in him the confidence that he is the best and does everything right. Save him from fears of failure and he will be self-confident all his life, and will be able to support you in difficult moments of your life. My son really turned out to be a support and support for me. It's been 10 months since my husband and I got divorce in New York, but I still can't forget about it. If not for my eldest son, who supports me every time I feel like crying in pain, I would not have been able to lead a normal life. It was he who became for me that very ray of light in this cruel reality. What you invest in your children will certainly affect them in the future.

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